Sunday, October 4, 2009

No news yet

I have had my PET Scan earlier this week and my biopsy was performed on October 1st. Both experiences have left me feeling numb for the most part because I am not quite sure what to expect next.
I am still very much fatigued and drained. I want to sleep every chance that I get. BUT I have denied myself that. I don't want to feel run down or unable to accomplish the most simplest task. I don't want my house to get all disarrayed just because of the fact that I am tired. I feel guilty that Chris goes out and works hard all day while I am at home doing absolutely nothing. I do try and keep up with kitchen being clean and making sure the dishes don't stack up in the kitchen sink and I do laundry but it is done in baby steps. I feel ashamed that just making dinner takes every ounce of energy that I have but I am too damn stubborn to just let someone else do it, even after they offer. I feel like if I give in to someone else helping than I might as well as not be alive. And I am terrified.

Kat emailed me today because she was concerned about me and I love her for that. Despite all that is going on in her life, she took the time to find out how I was. It is a blessing to me to know just how many people truly love and care about me. So many of you have reached out and I just want you all to know how much it is appreciated and welcomed.

I will do my best to blog more even when I absolutely do not feel like it. Who knows, this may be my therapy. This may be what I will need when the time comes.