Saturday, November 28, 2009

I may have lost the lump but I sure as heck gained a battle scar

I am sitting here at my computer waiting for the pain to stop. I am going almost a full twelve hours without having to take any pain medications but I am now paying for waiting too long between doses. Once the pain starts to come full swing it is excruciating and it takes almost two doses to dull the pain. It's funny actually because the rest of the area is incredibly numb except for the area itself.
I have no feeling in my left shoulder but if I happen to raise my arm, the pain just radiates everywhere. The incision is on my neck, but I am guessing that raising my arm puts a lot of stress and/or tension on the neck area itself. I can't lift more than ten pounds but even holding a jug of milk is sometimes too much.
Driving is almost comical. I have to turn my whole body to the left if I need to look left. Turning my neck to the right is almost back to normal. Backing out of my driveway is a challenge but I am lucky that I don't have a busy street and most of my neighbors are courteous to me if I happen to backing out when they are coming down the street.
I am getting used to the stares from people. I know in my heart that they are not really trying to be rude and most likely are just trying to figure out what happened to me, but the other day there was this one moron at the gas station that actually asked what I did to myself. I figured I give in to his stupidity and I flat out told him I missed. No smile, no giggle, no just kidding. He actually just stared at me while I finished pumping my gas.
I don't mind people coming up to me and asking. It is human nature to be curious. My whole family at our Thanksgiving dinner would come up to see the infamous line that runs from the dip of my clavicle to the back of my ear. It is a good seven inch incision. One that will probably take at least a half a year to fade. Hopefully it won't be long before I can start using vitamin E to help with the diminishing of the scar that will surely follow.
When I get the courage and am not so tired. I will surely gross all of you out and post a pic. I would kind of like a memento of what it was like.

Friday, November 27, 2009

What to do while waiting....

It's hard having to wait for news that you may not want to hear. Then again worrying about something that may not even be, would be stupid right? My emotions are all over the map and it is so hard to focus on the right here and now moment.

I am not able to work. The fatigue alone is an enormous struggle. Chris has been so supportive of me and he works his butt off trying to make ends meet but every month we still fall short. So after talking to him last night, he mentioned that maybe I would feel better if I got my MBA online. This is something that I could do from the comfort of my own home and participate on my schedule.

I started to check some schools online and I have found that the University of Scranton offers a wide arrange of degrees. I myself have always been drawn to the business and accounting degrees, so maybe now I should take the time and work for something that will help bring in the income we so desperately need.

Friday, November 20, 2009

It has been a very emotional rollercoaster....

I haven't blogged in ages because of what I may be dealing with. It is scarily possible that I have cancer. In fact until otherwise proven, I do have cancer. I have either Tongue or Thyroid Cancer and the pathology report will be revealed on my follow up appointment in two weeks. I have been seeing a specialist at the Moffitt Cancer Center for a few weeks now. I had surgery last Friday to remove the cyst on my neck and they did another biopsy on the mass that is on my tongue.

This is the first day that I have felt remotely like myself. The pain is subsiding although I do take my pain meds about every 8 hours instead of every 4. I have a hideous incision line that runs from the dip in my clavicle bone to the edge of my ear. No stitches. Just the medical glue and tape. The only thing that drives me crazy is that I have absolutely no feeling whatsoever from my left cheek down to the top of my left breast and my the top of my left shoulder. It is hard for me to judge just how far I can move my head from side to side without the fear of ripping open the incision.

I have come to terms with the term cancer and I have every intention of beating whatever it is that I have. The good thing about this whole mess is that it has probably been caught in the very beginning stages and it may infact be that once they removed the cyst that may have been the majority of the cancer itself. So... I will do my best to post regularly. I still get very tired and to sit at the desk for a long period of time makes my fatigue worse. For all of you that have been sending good thoughts, prayers etc... Thank you:)

If you have any questions... Are curious or whatever... just send me an email.