I am going to do my best to formulate into words what it is that I have been dealing with. Some of you may already know and for those of you that do not well... here is the simple and straight out story.
Last Tuesday I noticed a lump on my neck that was not there the night before. In fact, I didn't notice the lump until late in the day after having a brief coughing stint. I felt a little burning twinge and decided that it didn't feel right and went into the bathroom to take a look. I was taken back by the Quasimodo like lump on the left side of my neck. When Chris got home from work I immediately showed him and he proceeded to touch the lump and ask me questions as to whether it hurt or not. It didn't hurt. The only thing that hurt was my back/shoulder area which I contributed to tight muscles because of poor sleep or lack of sleep. Chris and I chalked the lump up to being part of the tight muscles and that it would go down on its own. I slept fine and the lump did not impede on me being comfortable. By the time I went to see a doctor on Thursday the lump had gotten a little bigger but still no pain. I hesitated seeing a doctor in the first place because Chris and I do not have insurance. With Chris just starting back to work our bills are just now getting caught up. So that was my mind frame up until now.
I was looking at $130.00 dollar office visit bill from the doctor. Chris told me not to worry about it and to just find out what it is. When the Dr. came in to perform his exam (which only took him about 5 minutes) he immediately told me to go to the ER. He didn't charge me anything either. By the time I got to the ER they were already aware that I was coming. The only thing I wasn't expecting was to have an EKG. My heart rate was sky high (my take was that I was extremely nervous) and I have never in my life seen doctors move as fast as they did. They moved fast but were very mindful that my daughter, Katie, was also in the room. I made arrangements with my mom to pick her up because Chris was at work and I couldn't reach him.
I did have blood taken, about 10 freaking tubes full, and a CAT scan. The doctor told me that they could see two masses. The lump on my neck and one at the base of my tongue. I was being admitted and I would see An ENT (Ears, nose and throat specialist) in the morning. When the ENT did come in to see me he stuck a camera down my nose and confirmed that there was a large mass that would he would need to biopsy. So on September 11th, 2009 at 3:10pm I had the biopsy. The doctor did tell Chris that he is sure by the appearance and the characteristics of the mass they took out that it is along the lines of the lymphoma family. My doctor stated that he would not have said cancer if he wasn't sure of the results. I believe he told me so that there would be no surprises when I do see him.
I am still coming to terms with it and haven't fully accepted it... Yes, I did cry but not in front of my kids. I have no idea how we are going to be able to afford all this medical crap! That is what mostly has me worried. Stupid, I know but I am still worrying!