Tuesday, August 21, 2007

I am ok....

I know I haven't been persistent with the blogging the last few days. I have had life issues that just took precedence.
Kids are back to school. Katie loves her teacher (she loves everyone really) and is enjoying the whole school atmosphere.
Jeff already had homework for his Honors World History - he has to read 65 pages before Wednesday. His schedule is real weird. He has A & B days. M,W,F are A days and T&Th are B days. His Aerospace Engineering class just blows my mind. The topics that they are going to review is incredible.
Britt found out that she only has to put 12 hours a week at the vocational school in the GED class so she wants to go M-W from 8-12. Chris told her for this week she needs to go everyday and he will be speaking with the instructor. Not sure if she is just saying that or not. But Chris wants to check it out first. She did score College level on her pre test. She has orientation for her new job tomorrow at 3:30.

I have been having thoughts of going to school myself. I want to be doing something I really like doing. I like my job but when you are promised a raise at your last review over a year ago and told that it is also retroactive but still have not gotten that raise it makes me think that I am not really that valuable. My third year anniversary was August 17th. My self esteem has been low for a while now and it's time I make some changes in my life.

I haven't been the easiest person to live with for quite some time now and Chris is getting fed up. Not a good situation. He loves me but when someone is constantly down all the time it takes it toll on the people you love. So.... I have taken some time to do a lot of soul searching. I am going to be restructuring the way I do things and really get my life back on track. I have let myself go and right now I don't like who I am. I can't even stand to look in the mirror anymore nor do I like having my picture taken. I have lost interest in a lot of things that use to matter to me and I don't like that. I know everyone gets depressed but I feel like I have gone beyond that.


Humincat said...

Good for you to see it and step forward to change it. And have you talked to the doctor about this? Maybe a small dose of meds will help you get motivated and moving, so that you can get your life back to normal, or better. Not that I'm a big fan of meds, but it sounds like you are past the NORM of it, and that's what they are for, right?

latt├ęgirl said...

It sounds like you're in a rut. I think a class would be a good thing to do for yourself.

I know some days are rough.

But you have a couple of kids who depend on you, so... do something that makes you feel worthwhile again. :)(Some days, it's just baby steps.)