Thursday, March 10, 2011

Surviving... at least it is better than the alternative.

It's been a whirlwind week for me.  Since last weekend, I have not been feeling like myself and seriously thinking that something was really wrong.  I would feel so weighted, like a ton of bricks were on top of me, plus compound that with no energy and constantly being dizzy.  I don't know how, but I managed to work despite feeling like this.  It took me longer but I still did it. 

My mood has been up and down like a insane roller coaster.  There were times when I didn't like my own attitude and I would go into my bedroom and pout until I could calm down.  I hate when I get like that.  It is usually when I feel so stressed out that I can't bottle my emotions any longer and they explode right out of me. Needless to say, that I have learned to realize when I am about to lose it and I just walk away so to avoid any hurt feelings or pissing Chris off with my extreme bitchiness. 

I know that I may suffer from a little depression.  I am so trying to snap myself out of it, but geez, it is tough.  I am a worrier.  I worry about everything, even things that I have absolutely no fricking control over, I worry.
Financially, we are struggling.  Not desperate but still struggling.  If it weren't for Chris' unemployment and the help of our son Jeff, we would most likely be staying with family.  Yes, I bring money in with the cleaning business but after all the expenses that get paid out monthly, there is not much left to live on.  It hurt drastically when I lost the condo account due to them going in house for the cleaning. The business is surviving by a thread and so are we.  I am feverishly marketing myself out to generate more business. It does take time.. A LOT of time to pitch to people why you are better than all the rest out there.  But, I still do it. In hopes that at least a few of them will give me a chance to prove that I am the best.

Chris got a call yesterday from some stupid telemarketer wanting him to take out a personal loan.  Even when Chris explained that he was not working and in fact was going to school, the man on the other line said that he could still hook Chris up with a loan.  No income verification needed just a steady checking account.  It got me to thinking how many unfortunate people out there would get sucked into this?  Sink deeper into debt just to be able to survive.  Isn't that what most of us are doing? Surviving?

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