Thursday, November 20, 2008

I need a makeover....

If there is one thing that prevents harmony in my relationship with Chris it most certainly is my need to defend myself all the time. Oh and my thought process so that would make it two things. For the most part we tolerate each other's quirks. Having been together for 10+ years you try and look past certain traits. However, when your attributes seem to be getting in the way of enjoying peace and harmony in the relationship it is definitely time to evaluate the reasons for said short comings.

Chris and I have had our troubles. It has never been "easy" with him and for the most part I have always thought relationships were hard to begin with. I have learned that I need to be more aware with how I perceive things.

For example: I have this uncanny ability to take something and overly process it so that I can deal with it the most comfortable way I can. Let's take the ex landlord and his ex wife for instance. They have pretty much declared that they will be keeping the security deposit. Their letter came certified but it did not state why or how much the things that they are claiming cost or if they intend to take it further and come after us for more money. I immediately got pissed and stated to Chris that we need to take them to court to fight for our deposit. He sees it differently. Although we both agree that their claim is unsubstantiated he wants to approach it from a different view. He does not think that forking out $300.oo to bring a civil suit justifies the $600 we are entitled to. We put down a $1000.00 deposit and there is a valid claim to relinquish 360.00 for a french door that needs to be replaced due to the fact that our deceased dog, Scooter, damaged during a thunderstorm. Seeing as though the landlord and his ex refused to do a walk through with Chris, we could not even acknowledge that we would've taken that responsibility. Chris wants me to trust him more with handling issues like this and for the most part letting him handle majority of things his way instead of mine because. let's face it, I for the most part, go around like a gun fully loaded looking for a target. My analogy by the way, not Chris'.

I am always assuming the worst in a person. I have seen way too many situations go foul and it's just easier for me to think this way. I just assume that if a person has done something wrong it is usually for one reason only. When in truth there could be several different reasons. I tend to assume A LOT which is not healthy and more importantly not right. Chris wants me to be more mindful and incorporate basic logic into my thinking process. He is always telling me that my facial expressions are monotone and it is difficult for him to know what mood I am in. Unless I open my mouth and then it is known. I also give him looks of disdain quite often. When I think back on this I am shocked at myself. I love Chris. I would never want to hurt him but lately that's all I have been doing. I guess I need to revamp myself not only physically but mentally as well. Do any of you venture to take a guess how long this is going to take me or better yet do you feel the same way about yourself or about someone you love?


Kat said...

He is always telling me that my facial expressions are monotone and it is difficult for him to know what mood I am in. Unless I open my mouth and then it is known. I also give him looks of disdain quite often.

This is me. I do the exact same things and I never knew it until people told me.
I think my sister was the first one who told me that my face hardly ever has a meaningful expression on it unless I'm pissed, at which point everyone moves about 100 yards away from me because they can tell I'm furious.

Funny thing though, I'm usually not, so it was a shock to me too that people often read my facial expressions all wrong.

How to fix it?

I have no clue.
I have tried being more vocal with how I'm feeling, I try to smile more, laugh more, talk more, so that those around me know how I am feeling without having to guess from how my face looks.

Mindy said...

Kat - I think I need to start talking more. But I need to watch how it comes out. There is something that happens with a thought from my brain to my mouth. I KNOW what I am trying to say but it doesn't always come out that way. Sometimes when I am having a real hard time expressing myself I normally just clam up all together. That in itself is trouble too... because then I am perceived as being grumpy. I keep telling myself to just let it spill out but I hate to be vunerable because I feel like it's a huge flaw in me. As far as you go though, I don't seem to have the trouble of diagnosing your thoughts and feelings. Maybe because we are very alike in that aspect it's easy to know where we each stand.